My Personal Dance Story

We have been asked to journal about three questions regarding dance and our participation in it.
1. Why did I become a dancer/continue dancing?
2. What does it mean to me/why do I dance?
3. An anecdote about my dance history.

1. I became a dancer at 2 when my mother put me into ballet classes. At this point I am sure it was more of a socialization tool and an activity to get me physically active and engaged with my body and movement. I moved when I was 4 and continued to dance in my new town. I missed dancing for about a year when I was 7/8 and picked it back up. I first started in ballet, then moved to modern and jazz and re-entered ballet when I was about 11. I continued with jazz, but discontinued modern dance. Along the way I took other classes and workshops in varied types of dance such as clogging and bellydancing (sorry Raya, I don't know how to spell Belladie ....see??!!).

I continued dance because for me it was a challenge. Particularly ballet. I have always been able to navigate easily through intellectual challenges like those in school, but to refine my technique and hone my skill to perfection is a bigger challenge for me. I engage my mind and body in discipline through this and have learned much about life and people and choices by pursuing dance. Dance wasn't a problem I could solve quickly - the skill set builds upon each practice and grade level. I have also always been better able to think when I am actively involved in sport or other physically demanding activities. Dance became a passion. It was where I could express myself emotionally and challenge my body. I was good, but not the best, and for a perfectionist therein lies the challenge.

I continued with ballet the longest, 13 years in total. In part because it is a rigid dance form with very specific relations in space, to your own body and to those of the dancers around you. I am flexible to the extreme and controlling my movements became part of the challenge and the reward. It was an area of my life I didn't have to explain and something I could love with all my heart and it was just for me. I had friends who understood the freedom that comes through the structure and discipline, though we never verbalized it. These and so many other reasons are why I continued to dance.

2. Dance, for me is a form of self-expression. It is creative, emotional, intellectual and a chance to challenge my body. It is a passion of mine. Sometimes I wish I could give up everything else and just dance for the rest of my life. Dance is a way to structure my life and to learn control, not only physically, but in all areas of my life. I am not one who cares too much either way about performing, though it can be fun. I dance for myself and not for others. When I dance the problems of the world (which I hope to address through my academic career) disappear and all I know is dance and how my body and mind feel.

3. The anecdote that I remember the most strikingly from dance has to be from the year I quit. I was 16 and had been having trouble with my knees. I went to the doctor, and eventually to the orthopedic surgeon. Long story short, he told me I needed surgery to correct the problem. On both knees at once and scheduled me for a few months down the road. I went home, thought about this and talked it over with my family. Then I went into privacy and thought about how that would impact on my dance career.

Eventually, after a lot of thought and tears, I knew I needed to quit. Not in May, when my surgery was, but right then in January/February. I went in the next week and spoke to my teacher. I told her what was going on and I never went back. Since joining this class and in particular since receiving this assignment, I've been thinking a lot about this incident. I've been wondering why I really didn't dance for the last few months, why I had to quit then. Why I haven't gone back. I still have all my shoes. I have always brought them with me when I move somewhere. I keep them in the closet, wrapped up and hidden. Sometimes, through all the years between then and now, I have broken them out and danced in my kitchen. I only ever do this when I am alone and have no chance of being caught.

Thinking about the reasons why I quit, I know retrospectively that I had to o it right then and couldn't prolong the time when I knew I would have to quit anyway. I left and didn't look back for a long time. Since then, I have not thought in depth about dance and about my abrupt departure from it. I know that I couldn't have without becoming upset. Leaving dance is one of the hardest things I had to do in my life. In the years between then and now, I know something has been missing in my life. Coming back to dance, even if only part time has given that back to me. I developed fears and avoided dance because I knew what I was missing. Even a decade later, coming back, my body still knows. It will take months of rigorous training for me to regain what I lost, but I have the most important thing back - that piece of myself that I abandoned almost a decade ago.

Week 4 & 5 - Rehearsal

We had no class last week, as Waiting for Godot was opening in Nozheim theatre during our class time. I did not get to see Godot, as I am too busy right now to even sleep.

Rehearsal went well. We got to push back the stadium seating and begin to work the choreography through in the whole space. It looks and feels much better in the open room so none of us are dancing on top of each other and the stage is more open and less congested with dancers. It enables the story to be told in a freer environment and is much less confusing for us and I'm sure the eventual audience.

Anna and I are really coming together on our duets. The characterization is becoming obvious. I can't wait to see it all put together with the costumes and face paint. The tribute to Morrisseau will be great as a part of our piece. And the half paint will look great with the portion where we are lined up in the back.

Sharrifeh joined us last class and we got to insert her into the choreography which makes it easier to know where we are and what we are doing in regards to teasing her. She and Lindsay had an hour after the rest of us left to work on their duets so hopefully that will come together quickly. It won't be difficult for her to learn what we have going on for choreography because her part through what we have learned is minimal - it is more a matter of marking space for the rest of us.

Partnering with Anna is great - I am learning a lot as a dancer from her movement which she learned in Latin dance and we actually complement each other quite well. It is also fun to see what we can come up with together in small movements or choreography that works with our characterizations. I love being mischievous and mocking. It is a different sort of personality than one I have portrayed before. The movements belonging to this character are quirky and bug-like which is new. I am enjoying exploring this side of dance - more of a story than even ballet.